Food for thought

I feel so exhausted even though I did nothing today. Walking that 1 km exhausted me. That’s it, I’m going to eat healthy. I’m going to work out. But, eating healthy means I have to go shopping for all kinds of products, which is going to be an added cost. Going to a gym means I need to buy workout clothes and supplements to support the workouts. Will I be able to keep up with it every month? I do have a budget to maintain. On top of it, I have to be disciplined, which means that when I’m not able to be disciplined, I’m failing. Oh god, the inner critic is going to have a field day with me. But, if I don’t do these things, my health won’t improve. I’ve seen the toll a bad lifestyle takes on one’s health in so many people. Do I want to be another name on that list? I’ll enroll in a gym tomorrow first thing, and go out grocery shopping. I’m definitely making changes from tomorrow.

What happens the next morning? She has lots of work to do, and doesn’t find the time to do any of the things she promised herself yesterday. She quickly gets a pizza delivered so she doesn’t go hungry. In the evening, thanks to instant delivery, she gets a can of soft drink and chips, and that is her dinner. She has a desk job, so barely moves, and is glued to her laptop. She feels guilty about this, and promises to make the change, only to repeat this the next day. Is convenience making her lazy, making it difficult to actually act on things she had decided to do? If there was no convenience, she would have had to step out and get the things. But would she make the conscious decision to buy only healthy things? It’s not that she doesn’t want to make the changes. She wants to. She really, really wants to.

This cycle needs to change, because I know the effect it’s having on me. It’s affecting my mobility, my metabolism, my whole body. And I really want to make the change, but I am stuck in a vicious cycle of this struggle. So, why can’t I eat better, why can’t I work out regularly?

I get healthy groceries, go to the gym, and start in full force. But, it all comes crashing down in a few days or weeks. I feel good the first day, but overdo it at the gym and end up hurting myself. I see myself in the mirror, don’t get the instant gratification, and get demotivated. Making too many changes all of a sudden makes the body start craving things it has been getting as food to the point that it’s almost addicted to it, so the cravings get harder to control with every day. An incident of fat shaming, or a comment on not being flexible enough or strong enough, demotivates me, and I stop everything. And the cycle repeats.

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. Even though I struggle, even though I have to restart every now and then, I am still confident I will get better in my routine, for I do have to take care of myself. If I am not in good health, I won’t be any good for myself or my loved ones. So even though I may struggle, even fail, I will get back at it again. I will eat better. I will work out. I will improve my health. Here’s looking forward to the better version of myself. May we all get to reach where we want, in our own beautiful ways.

P.S. This blog is entirely written by my client about their experience living their life and managing their day to day struggles.