My Journey with ADHD

Disclaimer:

There are two things Anjari helped me with - getting "completely" rid of IBS (my gut health is better than it ever was in 30 years) and reasonably managing ADD (work in progress).

I have poured my heart out, so it's a loooong write-up... so please read till the end if you really want to get an insight into how therapy can turn your life around... (it gives you superpowers).

For those with ADHD/ADD, put 5 reminders and try reading at least the first part without zoning out or fixating on that fly flying in your peripheral vision... Lulz...

If you're struggling with IBS, read the second chapter well. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Chapter 1:

In spite of being a doctor, we were never taught the importance of psychological counseling. The lack of awareness about its importance even in the medical community in India is appalling.

One of the first things I said in my first counseling with Anjari was - "I think I should have started meeting you long back."

At the time, I was suffering from some sort of post-COVID infection illness, major relationship stress, and newly developed IBS.

But that wasn't the reason why I said what I said.

I said it because my ADD had a major role to play in getting me into that situation.

The lack of self-esteem, self-hate, and self-doubt that comes with it made me take many bad decisions.

About 13 years ago, in the first year of my MBBS, I remember trying to figure out my ADD on my own even before I knew it was called ADD... and it didn't work out. I even resorted to giving minor abrasions to my forearm with a pen or a sharp object to make sure I didn't lose focus because I thought the pain would prevent me from zoning out... but of course, it didn't help... I hopelessly struggled with it for the next five years, and in the final year (5th year), I finally got to know what I had was ADD!

I tried to get it treated by reaching out to my parents (who are doctors!) but even that didn't work out as at that time ADHD wasn't well understood, and there was no major awareness about it in the Indian medical community, and also a lot of new drugs that are available these days weren't available back then. My dad (a neurologist) even got convinced that ADD in most cases is all made up and everyone will be diagnosed as ADD with the diagnostic criteria... Even a few psychiatrists had limited understanding of ADHD/ADD.

But only the person who's going through it will understand. Unfortunately for my type A personality academically gifted dad, it was too unbelievable to accept.

And it kept affecting my life.

It affected my postgraduate years significantly.

I used to sit in front of the book frequently, zoning out so I could barely progress. I used to get distracted often.

Unfortunately for me, short-term memory is a major issue, and so is long-term memory. I have to work twice as hard to store information in my brain. The only time I actually could fight procrastination and study was the 3 months of preparation leave before my university exam.

Only a hanging sword could make me focus.

But fortunately for me, I was doing MD in Radiology.

My voracious appetite for finding something new and the curiosity that comes as a gift with ADD compensated for it. Every scan is novelty and a dopamine boost. I could see inside humans and trip on it.

But if I knew how to manage ADD, I could have been much more knowledgeable than what I was by the end of my post-graduation, and the learning curve would have been less steep.

ADHD affects more than what you think it does... it intrusively affects each and every part of your life and even your personality.

I fought hard for two years with the guidance of Anjari, which got me in good control of my procrastination, impulsivity, and productivity.

I recognized my patterns and developed coping mechanisms and finally got in decent control of my ADD even after working 10+ hours a day, 6 days a week.

Not that it doesn't affect me now... it still does... it's a constant battle (albeit way less exhausting than before). Instagram and YouTube still end up eating my productive time unknowingly.

But I can recognize my patterns, limit it, and compensate pretty well.

Just so you know, it took me a month to finally write this, and that too because I wanted to meet Anjari tomorrow... (hides in the closet)...

I planned and set reminders but either forgot or procrastinated multiple times. The academic load of one online fellowship, in addition to my usual 9-5 hospital hours, contributed to this, but I still managed to complete most of my other goals. However, this kept getting delayed.

I am still far from getting all coping mechanisms right, and managing ADD completely is still a faraway goal...

And some of it might never go away, but I will never give up, and one day I'll use my ADD to my advantage.

...and you will too...!

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No... Don't fixate on that fly... There's chapter two...

Chapter 2:

Now let's talk about IBS... a crippling, dreadful, soul-destroying piece of s**t condition which many can't get out of once they get into it.

My cousin, who's a superspecialist in Gastroenterology, one day told me over a beer that you're lucky you got out of it, and it's surprising how you could become healthier than before because he has seen people drown in depression because of it. Even I was. I was knee-deep in it.

I was at a point where I had to study for 14+ hours daily for my MD exams, and all I could eat was dosa. I was still struggling with pain and bloating. Sometimes I used to get loose motions in the middle of the night and barely sleep.

I thought I would never come out of it. I eventually ended up abusing antibiotics till the end of my exams.

I used to cry every other day. I even started low-dose antidepressants to blunt the stress and pain, and I got hooked.

It wasn't until I met Anjari that I could really get out of it.

Anjari first taught me to break the cycle of stress and bowel cramping. The first step was to accept pain as my new way of life. She taught me to try to enjoy the cramps and welcome them as they come instead of going into this self-destructive cycle of anxiety and worrying about when it's going to end.

I was hooked on antidepressants, and she was the only one who told me to get rid of them, and I am glad I listened to her and not others who said, "you need it." When you have IBS, people (even some doctors) assume that you're a person with low-key clinical depression and think that you'll need lifelong medications for it.

Some people might need it, and there's nothing wrong with it, but not giving an honest chance to therapy and depending solely on medications is a slippery slope. It will only be controlled, and it will never go away.

Anjari motivated me to fight the rebound depression that came with the withdrawal of antidepressants. She helped me adopt a healthy lifestyle. Regular exercise, healthy food, reducing stress, and taking care of gut health by eating fermented foods (eat them daily without fail) and fasting once in a while (24 hours fasting with water as the only intake) is the only thing that helped me heal.

Even before IBS, for 30 years of my life, my gut health was unstable, and I used to end up taking antibiotics every other month due to infective diarrhea. I had uncontrolled acidity frequently.

But now, at the time of writing this, I haven't taken a single antibiotic in the past 2+ years.

I eat roadside food often. I have forgotten what it is like to get a majorly sick gut or acidity. Loose motions are very rare, and they don't last more than a day for me now. People around me get sick, but I don't.

I am in the best shape of my life.

When I was suffering from it, I found it hard to believe that I would ever get cured of it, but I did.

If you're reading this, I know you're at the same place that I was once at, but in no time, you'll be the person writing about your journey of IBS remission in this blog just like me. Just don't give up.

Believe me.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

P.S. This blog is entirely written by my client about their experience living their life and being in therapy.